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Table of contents
You have a complaint, you come here and you whisper it in my ear. I seem to have my dates muddled up. Valentine: Oh, no, no, no.
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I canceled the gala because of you. Anybody willing to donate that much deserves their own dinner. Harry Hart: Thank you. Harry Hart: I most certainly do. Valentine: Good. Grab a seat. Valentine: Great choice! But nothing beats two cheeseburgers with secret sauce. Harry Hart: A classic pairing. Valentine: I like it. Valentine: So, you want to donate to my foundation. You are aware that I wound things down in that area, right? Harry Hart: Climate change is a threat which affects us all, Mr.
Every bit of research kept pointing to the same thing. Harry Hart: I sometimes envy the blissful ignorance of those less well-versed in their…shit. Valentine: You like spy movies, Mr. But the old ones…marvelous. Give me a far-fetched theatrical plot any day. Valentine: The old Bond movies! Oh, when I was a kid, that was my dream job: gentleman spy. Harry Hart: I always felt the old Bond films were only as good as the villain. As a child, I rather fancied a future as a colorful megalomaniac.
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- Life Barriers: Lessons Learned!
- My Biggest Fan (Romance on the Go).
Valentine: What a shame we both had to grow up. Harry Hart: And thank you for such a…happy meal. Valentine: Nah. I put a nano tracker gel in the wine. Finally find out who he works for. All I got was this on the way in. FBI have been monitoring them for years. Arthur: But you think Valentine is a supporter? Arthur: Oh, by the way, our ever-growing list of missing persons now includes Scandinavian royalty. Royal Crown Princess Tilde. Valentine: Tough shit. News Reporter: [voice] The list of missing celebrities and dignitaries has continued to grow in recent weeks, and world leaders are coming under increasing pressure to provide answers.
You know, governments and security forces worldwide are working together to find the person behind these abductions. News Reporter: [voice] In other news, people all over the world continue to wait in line day and night to get their free SIM cards. You get one? Michelle Unwin: Yeah…yeah, I been queuing up all day.
So you thought we were done for the day, huh? Merlin: Tonight, in London. Merlin: Your target.
Your mission is to use your NLP training to win over the individual in the photograph in your envelope. Posh girls love a bit of rough. Sorry, I just had to come over and say, amazing eyes. Are you wearing color contacts? Lady Sophie: No! Lady Sophie: Excuse me? Roxy: Negging. Saying something negative to a pretty girl in order to undermine her social value. Absurdly basic, neuro-linguistic programming technique. See what he just did? He got you talking with a neutral question, got all of us involved in the conversation, so that you craved individual attention.
Lady Sophie: Be right back. Roxy: Are you alright? Or even something stronger. Where am I? The Interrogator: Oh, Eggsy, I just killed two of your friends for giving me the same bullshit answer! Just cut the fucking ropes, please! The Interrogator: Hey, Eggsy! Is Kingsman worth dying for? Bloody well done.
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Harry Hart: Roxy passed with flying colors. Want to watch? The Interrogator: Is Kingsman really worth dying for? Chester King is Arthur. Get me out of here! The Interrogator: Thank you, Charlie. Much appreciated. Oh, fuck! At least untie me. Arthur: Untie yourself. Arthur, please. Merlin: Galahad, Percival, congratulations.
Your candidates have reached the final stage of the testing process. As tradition allows, you now have 24 hours to spend with them. Eggsy, you should know your father reached this point. From now on, there are no safety nets, understood? Charlie: Fuck you! I was breaking up an undercover spy ring at the Pentagon. Foiled the assassination of Margaret Thatcher. Harry Hart: The point is, Eggsy, nobody thanked me for any of them.
Front page news on all these occasions was celebrity nonsense. And we are, first and foremost, gentlemen. Being a gentleman is something one learns. Harry Hart: Alright, first lesson. You should have asked me before you took a seat. Second lesson. How to make a proper martini. This fucking hurts!
Valentine: A simple switch?! This is an extremely dangerous machine. It should only be operated by someone as responsible and sane as me. Bad shit can happen if this falls into the wrong hands. We done here? Gazelle: No. Now this one. Valentine: This one just has a short range. A simple switch will do. True nobility is being superior to your former self. By which I mean, a bespoke suit.
Never off the peg. And Kingsman suits are always bulletproof. Fitting room two is available. Harry Hart: Neither. Harry Hart: Of course not. Pull the hook on your left. Very, very nice. This additional decorative piece is called broguing. Words to live by. Your weapon scores are excellent, by the way. And this is our standard-issue pistol. What do these do?
A gentleman traditionally wears the signet on his left hand, but a Kingsman wears it on whichever hand happens to be dominant. Touch the contact behind the ring, it delivers fifty thousand volts. What makes them so special? What a coincidence! You are totally the reason I am here. What are you doing here? Richmond Valentine. I was just introducing him to my tailor. Valentine: Another coincidence. So am I. Harry Hart: Have you had any chance to think further on my proposal? Valentine: Most definitely. My people will be getting in touch with you very soon. I guarantee it. Harry Hart: A word of advice: Ascot requires top hat.
I have trouble understanding you people sometimes. You all talk so funny. How far is Ascot? How far? Arthur: Sit down.here
Arthur: As in James Bond? Arthur: Jason Bourne? Jack Bauer. Arthur: Oh! Arthur: It pains me to admit it, Eggsy, but I think that one day you might be as good a spy as any of them. Go home. Michelle Unwin: Eggsy! This stops right now. Dean: Oh, Muggsy. What, you gone and nicked a fucking taxi now? Dean: You want to have a word with me? Dean: Go on, lads. Want a bit of me? Dean: Get out of the fucking car! Dean: What are you doing? What, you got no bollocks?! Harry Hart: Yes, I did. Pickle here reminds me of that every time I take a shit. You fucking freak. Harry Hart: No, I shot my dog, and then I brought him home and continued to care for him for the next eleven years until he died of pancreatitis.
Harry Hart: It was a blank, Eggsy. It was a fucking blank. Harry Hart: Remember Amelia? Limits must be tested. A Kingsman only condones the risking of a life to save another.
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Or have you got him stuffed here and all? Our worldwide tour was a complete success. We have total coverall. Like when all your numbers in bingo are crossed out. Gazelle: Bingo? Valentine: Bingo. The game.
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You have played bingo, right? Gazelle: Do I look like I play bingo? Valentine: Point is, if our tests go well at the church tomorrow, we are good to go. Merlin, get the plane ready. Merlin: Will do. You just stay right there. Can you see Valentine anywhere? Gazelle: What if the calculations are wrong? Valentine: You just have to trust me. Church Blonde Woman : Where are you going? So, hail Satan, and have a lovely afternoon, madam. You just leave this church like the infidel you are!
You will eat your babies! You will drown in the blood of the Lord! He will not save you! Merlin : [as everyone is attacking each other in the church Harry kills everyone that tries to attack him; over the radio as he watches what Harry is doing] Galahad, can you hear me? Harry, what the heck is going on? Merlin : Galahad, can you hear me? Valentine : [to Gazelle] Could you turn the volume down, please? Valentine : Could you turn the volume down, please?
Valentine : What kind of response are we talking? Gazelle : A hundred percent. And we get the added benefit of wiping out the Kingsman. Gazelle : Not yet. Valentine : [as she watches Harry stabbing, bludgeoning, impaling and blowing up people] Oh, you need to see this. Valentine : Oh, you need to see this.
I had no control. I killed all those people. Harry Hart: Sounds good to me. Gazelle: That tends to happen when you shoot someone in the head. It feels good, right? Valentine: No, no, it does not feel good. It feels fucking awful. Gazelle: What?! You just killed how many people in that church? This is one guy. Valentine: No, no, no. They killed each other. Okay, send out the countdown clock. This party starts tomorrow. Are you there? Assemble the Kingsmen. Arthur: Galahad is dead. Hence, we have just drunk a toast to him. How many people around the world have got those SIM cards?
Valentine can send his signal to any of them, all of them. If they all go homicidal at the same time, then… Arthur: Indeed. The intelligence has been passed on to the relevant authorities. Our work is complete, and a most distinguished legacy for our fallen friend, it is, too. Arthur: Come and sit down, boy. Galahad was very fond of you. I want you to join me in a toast. Big Daddy. HotKittySpank 4.
Daddy's Breeder. Daddy's Breeding Slut. Daddy and the Elevator. House Arrest Ch. Defiled Young Housewife. Sleeping With Dogs. My Mom's Disgusting Boyfriend. Taken By Two Boys. Father Uses Huge Asset Ch. Brutal Force. Sarkon's Spoils: Captured Family. A Whore is Born Ch. Night of Abuse for Ann and Lisa. Private Campground. Typer 4. The Violation of Lena Giovanni Ch. Cinder Whore Ch. LaSalia 4. Africa Safari. The Story of Odilia Ch. Schlank 4. Her Daddy's Secret Ch. The Exploits of Cockslut Kelly Locker Room Gangbang.
Tekxi 4. Steam Room Daddy. Redhead4Daddy 4. Thoroughly Used. Pleasing Dad Hard. Dreamlover 4. Mafia Daughter. My Family are Gangbang Bitches. Sitting on My Son's Lap. Blackmailed into Black Submission. Blackmailed: Cheerleader's Cherry. Blackmailed: Cheerleader's Mom. Fuck New Orleans. The Avenger 4. Curiosity Fucked the Straight Guy. By Demon's Driven.
Training Day: Rebekah. TorrentialVortex x. Blackmailed Fiancee. Unconventional Counseling Ch. Garbage Dump Virgin. NiteWriter 4. Gethsemane 4. Daddy's House Cunt. Sweet Daisy 4. Daddy Takes Over. A Daughter Belongs to her Daddy. Kasey18 4. Daddy Wouldn't Dare. Sabledrake 4. What Have I Done. Daddy Shoots Deep. Cinder Whore. Clarissa, Master's Wife, Worker's Whore. Better off Dead. StangStar06 4. The Novice Ch. The Novice. Sins of the Flesh. Ahabscribe 4. DrMick 3. Rich Bitch Whore. Big Sister's Wedding. Boris's Whore. Sarah28 4. Gary 'The Cuck' Clark Ch.
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Fucking a Reluctant Sitter. Revenge of the Nerd: Bitch Sister. Joesephus 4. Please Stop Fucking My Lactation Slave Ch. Lancer1 4. Katie's Dream. Dominated in Detention. TheDarkCloud 4. Alpine Hideaway Magic Ch. HS Senior and Black Principal. The Coxville Curse Ch. Stormbringer 4.
Sinful Degrees of Separation Pt. Sinful Degrees of Separation. Tara's Breeding. Lara Croft: Tomb Raider. Black Fucked and Bred. BogartSlap 4. Brutal Shemale Lovers Pt. The Big Bad Rick Wolfe. Fucking Two Nasty Sluts Ch. Fucking a Dirty Talking Bitch Ch. Prince and the Insatiable Slut Ch. Fucking the Blind. DrMick 4. Bobby's Fucking Faggot Ch. That Fucking Belt. Victoriajohn 4.
A Brutal Reunion. Bimbolina 4.
Death By Fucking Ch. Palm Reader — Braille Pig Destroyer — Head Cage Eagle Twin — The Thundering Herd 4. Remote Viewing — Blood Loss 5. KEN Mode — Loved Portal — Ion Malthusian — Across Deaths Judas Priest — Firepower 2. Sigh — Heir To Despair 6. Satan — Cruel Magic 8. Therion — Beloved Antichrist 9. Clutch — Book Of Bad Decisions Earthless — Black Heaven Pig Destroyer — Head Cage 3.
Omnium Gatherum — The Burning Cold 4. Satan — Cruel Magic 5. LLNN — Deads 7. Soulfly — Ritual 9. Ruined Nation — Restart Psycroptic — As The Kingdom Drowns Atomic Bitchwax — Force Field Deafheaven — Ordinary Corrupt Human Love 7. Black Stone Cherry — Family Tree Alice In Chains — Rainier Fog Ghost — Prequelle Voivod — The Wake Massive Wagons — Full Nelson The Black Queen — Infinite Games 2. Parkway Drive — Reverence 6. Nine Inch Nails — Bad Witch 7. Bleed From Within — Era 8. Shields — Life In Exile Sectioned — Annihilated Will Haven — Muerte The Five Hundred — Bleed Red. Brant Bjork — Mankind Woman Alice In Chains — Rainier Fog.
High On Fire — Electric Messiah 9. Slugdge — Esoteric Malacology Zeke — Hellbender 4. Desert Storm — Sentinels Will Haven — Muerte. Tribulation — Down Below 8. Intervals — The Way Forward 9. Skeletonwitch — Devouring Radiant Light Ancient Lights — Ancient Lights Urfaust — The Constellatory Practice Marduk — Viktoria 2. Blutvial — Mysteries Of Earth 6.
Witchsorrow — Hexenhammer In The Woods Visigoth — Conqueror's Oath 2.